I’m not getting any younger but my maturity level is that of a kid. I easily gush at good-looking actors, I daydream a lot, I judge people by what they are doing, I easily get upset when I don’t get what I want and I always do what I wanted to do, not what I should do. Moreover, I see to it that I am updated with the latest trends and make sure that I am not against the flow. I keep on holding on to things that I don’t need and let go of those that matters.
When you are in the situation, you don’t really notice what it is that you are holding and letting go. But at the end of the day, when the calm and quiet is all that’s left, you’ll realize that it’s not calm and quiet at all. That you should panic and shout because of your stupidity for not thinking straight.
This morning, I woke, picked up my phone, checked Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and spent most of my time reading stories in Wattpad. Wattpad, the root of all my daydreams. I can’t help but think and wish that someone out there, who’s as handsome, as rich and as successful as the characters in the stories will swept me off my feet and we will live happily ever after.Unfortunately, after years, months, weeks and days, I just realized it this afternoon that it’s not true and it will never be.
I’ve bonded with this Wattpad app that my view of reality became distorted. I thought I could actually control reality but it just made me look desperate and foolish. I’ve wasted time, energy and effort trying to do that and I ended up with a disappointed heart. I am not saying that the app is bad, it is actually a very good app, what is bad is the way I handled it, I mean the way I let it control me. It became my idol, replacing God in my life.
My relationship status is not just complicated, it’s messed-up. I am in love with an app that doesn’t love me back and neglected Jesus Christ who died for me and loves me immeasurably. The worst? I’m not even guilty, and I just realized that today.
I feel sad that I’ve forgotten the reason why I exist and focused on temporary stuff. I feel depressed knowing how I wasted my life for no reason. I’ve forgotten the suffering of Christ, His love, His sacrifices, His Word, and everything that He did because I’m too focused on doing things that pleases me. Today I realized that living life to the fullest is not about satiating your fleshly desire but it’s all about living the purpose God intended you to do. Life is all about giving up what makes you temporarily satisfied, it’s all about sacrificing your time and effort for an everlasting prize.
The realization I had today made me decide to let go of that app, so I uninstalled it along with the games on my phone. There are a lot of things that hinder me from focusing on God, but I’m taking small steps right now in letting go of them all one at a time. Letting go is not instant, but the first step in doing that is to get rid of the things that remind you of it, get rid of it physically then slowly the emotional attachment will wear off.
We have to let go of things that doesn’t matter to grow. The same way Jesus Christ let go of His inhibitions in Gethsamane to fulfill His purpose.